There’s so many cliche concepts that we always use like “Love,” “Sorry,” “Happy” and ‘Self respect/esteem,” but only a small percentage in the world really understand how dynamic these ideas truly are.
I hate using the phrase “self esteem” because it’s so empty nowadays. As you evolve into an adult (if you ever do) you will start to understand how hard it is to rid yourself of the things that subtract from your self respect. People are ALWAYS presenting us with propositions to benefit themselves and tarnish us. We don’t always see it for what it is initially.
Being an adult is NOT about age. “Adult” includes maturity. Maturity includes responsibly. Responsibility includes leadership. Leadership includes control…and CONTROL is tricky. Control is tricky because “we” usually try to control OTHERS instead of ourselves. That is because “WE” want to please ourselves primarily and ultimately. The unconscious strategy is to try to change what other people are doing instead of ourselves. We want people to do what we want. We want them to stop dealing with that “other” person and only be with us. We want them to respect us. We want them to be happy with us. We want them to see our value… Hmmmmmm… But why don’t we see it?
If they are dealing with someone else then instead of trying to control them from doing it, why can’t we control ourselves from dealing with them? The only way to force someone to respect you is to not allow their disrespect. You HAVE to remove yourself from the equation. There’s no other winning strategy. How can we expect someone else to see our value when we have discounted ourselves?
It’s like selling a Bentley at the price of a Honda. Would you really believe it’s a Bentley? First thing you would ask is “So what’s wrong with it? Why are you selling it so cheap?” Now imagine if the person said to you “Because it has no engine! Actually there’s nothing under the hood! You’re just paying for the body.”… Our self esteem is our engine. It’s what makes us “Go!” and “Do!” and “Be!” We NEED that engine to fulfill the value, our value.
The earth is flooded with unconventional situations these days. I will admit, I’ve participated in dealing with men I knew had wives, baby mamas, and girlfriends. There was a point where I “didn’t care.” For the most part, I didn’t care because I soothed myself by tallying up all the things I benefitted from being with them. I don’t even regret those situations to be honest. But I don’t encourage it either. Those situations have been evidence of things that “DO NOT WORK” in the long run. And you can’t do it with anyone that you really care for. But most girls aren’t out here with the thought process of “transaction” with men. Girls want a partner. Girls want intimacy, quality time, monogamy and just attention period. And a lot of “us” meaning girls, are NOT getting it. We’re NOT getting it and STILL settling. But why?
These days we call it “sharing,” before that was “cheating,” and before that was “two timing” as my grandma would say. All I know is, women sell themselves short, discount their value/worth and to simplify it, can be “weak as fuck.”
There’s no such thing as “I don’t care about him being with another woman.” That’s a lie. Of course you care, you just follow it up with defense mechanisms, excuses or denial. If you care anything about him, you care about him spending time with someone else. That’s a given.
A LOT of people are in a scenario that a man has someone and he says he is leaving for you. Most girls say they aren’t okay with sharing a man until they are faced with the decision to stay with who they like and wait it out or be strong enough to withdraw from the situation until he keeps his word.
To solve the problem of all this sharing shit, the thought process has to be altered. And it has to hit home and make sense for people. Some women will understand why they shouldn’t share men when they get an STD or become sterile. And even then, some women have convinced themselves that because they’ve been plagued with an STD the only option they have is to stay with the person who gave it to them. Sad.
Some women will never stop fighting for a man. You can’t even blame him anymore after a certain point. Something is wrong with her self esteem. People replace the idea of low self esteem, dress it up and call it “love.” Man listen. The thought process behind sharing has a long list of different ideas women convince themselves of. There’s no point in giving a man time to leave his situation. If you want to know how he really feels, fall back and wait. Why would he speed up the process of leaving the chick he with if he still gets to fuck both of y’all while you’re “waiting?” (Excuse my French)
But “sharing” is not only for side chicks and new prospects. It’s not one sided. Wives, girlfriends, and “baby mamas” are sharing. Your title means absolutely nothing because disrespect is disrespect no matter what you want to call yourself. If you know he cheated, you shared. People love pointing fingers as if their position holds any more weight even though both are eating from the same plate.
Take away the title and refer to yourself as a woman. A vulnerable woman. A vulnerable woman that’s susceptible to stress, suicide, violence, STDs and mental health sickness. These things are real. They happen to people who find themselves in a situation that they’ve lost CONTROL of and these are some of the effects of the failure.
Now I know 50% of women who read this are “sharing” to some degree. And I’m being lenient with that percentage. I don’t expect for you to wake up tomorrow and cut anyone off because it doesn’t work like that. But just analyze the situation. The worst thing you can do is lie to YOURSELF. You know the truth. That truth is what you hide from your friends, family and the world. Don’t use “Private” as a euphemism for “ASHAMED!” We know the truth. That truth is what makes you cry or scream periodically. That truth is the embarrassment that you try to save yourself all the time. You know. It’s okay. All I can advise you is that it takes true courage and bravery to protect yourself. But if you won’t, then you shouldn’t expect anyone else to. It will be hurtful, it may be lonely, it could be dramatic but it shall be the first step towards rehab.