The “Perfect” Side Chick

The “Perfect” Side Chick

So once again, I’m sure I’ll get bashed for “condoning” “encouraging” and “birthing” Side Chicks. Because Cutty gets blamed for all the evils of the world. But I mean, it’s what’s going on already… I’m just trying to organize the chaos… But anywho…. If you are a side chick, have a side chick, or intend to be a side chick…Or think you’ll NEVER be a side chick, then you need to hear this…

#1 Know WHAT you’re in it for! Always remind yourself of your position, and play it. I have a huge problem with females who don’t know what or why they have “settled” for this position. Never be the side chick for the MAN… Because EVENTUALLY you are going to want him to yourself. If you “love” him “that” much, then why wouldn’t you want him to yourself eventually? The problem with you wanting the man is that if you finally get to a point where you know you can’t have him then you’re going to make sure everyone else is unhappy too. Don’t debate! Don’t degrade yourself for no benefit. What are you getting out of this? What does he do for you? Are the lonely nights, holidays, being called a hoe by everyone else and having to STFU worth what you get out of the situation? Is he supportive? Does he respect you? Does he “love” you? Is your rent paid? Do yall go on trips and dates? Does he pay your tuition or helping with your loans? Is he funding your new business endeavor? Or is that all for an orgasm? Or no orgasm at all, just a dick?

#2 Shut him down if he ever brings her up. If he brings up her up in conversation, tell him the FIRST time “I don’t want to hear anything about her, because #1, all that’s going to do is make you think its ok to always do it. #2 Its annoying. And #3 I’m a girl, I’m jealous by nature. Don’t give me rules, I know the rules. I follow Passport Cutty”

#3 Don’t Care about “HER”… Don’t ask about “her.” Don’t stalk “her.” Don’t spy on “her.” Don’t BOTHER “her.” Don’t talk shit about “her.” If you’re “so happy” then why are you worried about the next bitch? Apparently you’re not really “happy”… And if you aren’t, then why the hell have you “settled” to be in this position? Curiosity KILLED the cat. Once you open that door to be inquisitive concerning “her” you’ve started an internal silent competition between you two. She may not even know she has anyone she is competing with but now you’re so bent on trying to be “better” or more “desirable” than her that now you’ve started going the extra mile for the same “position”…

#4 NO DRAMA. Don’t call her. Don’t call their house. Don’t post pics of you two. Don’t tweet him. Don’t hack his pages. Don’t pop up where they’re going to be. Don’t call him if you know he’s going home unless its an emergency. If he knows you never call while he’s home and he sees you call, he’ll be more inclined to answer it or return you’re call fast because its out of the ordinary. Don’t be the boy who cried wolf. You’ll only be fucking your own self over in the end. If you create drama you’ll wind up being more hurt and embarrassed when he kicks your ass to the curb. The silent side chicks get more and gets treated better. Well, if you demand it or else you’ll just be the “convenient” side chick that just gets fucked.

#5 Don’t get pregnant. If you’re the side chick and you get pregnant its your fault. You look like you’re trying to trap him. Yea yea yea, he knew what he was doing but protect yourself because as the girl, you’re always going to get the shorter end of the stick. And even for all the money in the world, its not going to make you feel better if he still doesn’t be with you. And now you have to explain to your child why daddy doesn’t live with yall. Just don’t do it.

#6 Don’t tell your friends. I rather you talk to me than tell your friends. Unless you have GREAT friends like I do but most people hate their friends, they just can’t get rid of them. Lol. But usually friends are going to make you feel stupid about what you’re doing. They’re going to tell other people what you’re doing. They’re going use it against you later. They’re going to compare your relationship to theirs and then you’re going to resent them. Not saying all friends do this but this is what “People” do and friends are “people” lol

#7 Don’t Promote yourself. Don’t think you’re anything more just because you’ve met his friends and family. They all smile in your face just like they do his girl. So fuck his family and his friends. And remember that you’re STILL, the side chick.

#8 Don’t be the pot who called the kettle black. Don’t tell people “she” is stupid because she knows about you… Because you’re stupid too for knowing about “her”…

#9 NEVER be a side chick to a bum or a broke dude. Bums and broke men shouldn’t even have the time to be fucking more than one bitch. They need to spend that extra time on getting their damn life together. If you’re the side chick to a bum or a broke man, then YOU’RE a BUM too.

#10 Don’t believe Shit he says. Chances are, if he’s a cheater then he’s a liar. Don’t believe his side of the story because there’s two more but you shouldn’t CARE because that’s not your business! RIGHT? You’re in this for how he treats YOU and what he does with YOU and FOR YOU. So do not worry about the other things that does not concern you because he is going to LIE about it 7 times out of 10.

#11 Protect your health. Do not assume that he is being monogamous to the two of you. You want him to be a “faithful cheater?” Oh. If you feel like his girlfriend and he is cheating on his REAL girlfriend, please assume that you are not the exception.

#12 NO BLACKMAIL Do not save receipts, texts, videos, pics, clothes, screen shots etc for blackmailing purposes. This is a NO NO! Don’t be the scorned side chick… If you would have followed the first 11 rules then you wouldn’t be so devastated when its all over. You shouldn’t have settled for this position if you couldn’t handle it. Blackmailing won’t erase your pain, won’t change things and most likely won’t make her leave him. But now you’ve burned your bridge with him fully and forfeited the chance of you ever being able to contact him in the future for a favor or help.

#13 Don’t forget rule NUMBER ONE!!!

Follow these rules and you won’t have to cry yourself asleep to Adele. When it’s all said and done, you can walk away and say “that was great while it lasted”…. Now on the the next…

*PS* “Faithful Side Chicks” usually get more hurt in the end.

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